REDNECK COMPUTER TERMS


  • ACTIVE DESKTOP: Caused from leavin food on yer puter desk.

  • BACKUP: What ya do when ya done run'd over a skunk in the woods.

  • BAR CODE: Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.

  • BIT: A wager, as in, "I bit you cain't spit that there watermelon seed across the porch over yonder longways."

  • BOARD: What ya git when ya aint bizzy.

  • BROWSER: What ya do when a purty gal walks by ya in the general store.

  • BUG: The reason ya gave fer callin in sick.

  • BYTE: What yer pitbull dun to cusin Jethro.

  • BYTE: Also the first word in a kiss-off phrase.

  • CACHE: Needed when ya run out of food stamps.

  • CHIP: Pasture muffins that ya try not to step in.

  • CHIPSET: Two piles of dung, usually cowpatties, sittin side by side.

  • COLD BOOT: How yer boots are in winter when ya first put em on.

  • COMPUTER TERMINAL: Time to call the undertaker.

  • CPU: When ya look down and see a cow pattie.

  • CRASH: When ya go to Bubba's party uninvited.

  • CURSOR: What some guys do when they're mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

  • DIGITAL: The art of counting on yer fingers.

  • DISKETTE: A female Disco dancer.

  • DOS: Redneck shorthand for: "Dont' own Squat"

  • DOT MATRIX: One of them kinky people in them X rated movies yer wife hid from ya.

  • DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when ya pull the trigger.

  • ENTER: Northern for "Y'all C'mon in!"

  • FAX: What ya lie about to the IRS, an yer wife.

  • FLOPPY: When ya run out of Polygrip.

  • HACKER: Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.

  • HARD BOOT: When ya wake up on the floor with a boot under yer ribs after chug testin grandad's latest batch for smoothness.

  • HARD DRIVE: Tryin to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

  • HOME PAGE: A map ya keep in yer back pocket just in case ya git lost out in the field.

  • INTERNET: Where cafeteria workers keep their hair.

  • KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the keys to the John Deere.

  • LAN: To borrow as in, "Hey Jim Bob! LAN me yore truck."

  • LAP TOP: Where the little kids & the cat feel comfy.

  • LASER: Someone less ambitious than you.

  • LINE IN: Whatcha do when you go fishin'

  • LOG ON: Makin' the wood stove hotter.

  • MAC: Big Bubba's favorite fast food.

  • MAIN FRAME: The part of the roof that holds the house up.

  • MEGABYTES: A day of good fishin'

  • MEGAHERTZ: How yer head feels after 17 beers.

  • MICRO CHIP: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.

  • MODEM: What ya do when the grass gits too high.

  • MOTHERBOARD: What Mama gets when she ain't got a boyfriend.

  • MOUSE: Fuzzy, soft thang ya stuff in yer beer bottle in order ta git a free case.

  • NETWORK: Scoop'n up a big fish afore it breaks the line.

  • NEWSGROUP: When the wives git together an gossip at the Widder Hawkins' place.

  • OFFLINE: When the clothes pins let go an the laundry falls on the ground.

  • ONLINE: Where ya stay when takin the sobriety test.

  • PROMPT: What you wish the mail were.

  • RAM: What ya drive if ya aint a Ford or Chevy man.

  • RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle.

  • REBOOT: What ya do when the first pair gits covered with barnyard stuff.

  • ROM: Delicious when ya mix it with coca cola.

  • SCREEN: Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

  • SCREEN SAVER: Repair kit fer the torn winder screen. It's also the paint ya put on your screen door when it begins to rust.

  • SERIAL PORT: A red wine ya drank with yer breakfast.

  • SPREAD SHEET: What Momma puts on the bed for a new boy friend.

  • SUPERCONDUCTOR: Amtrak's Employee of the year.

  • SCSI: What ya call your week-old underwear.

  • WARM BOOT: What ya wear on yer feet when it gits cold.

  • WINDOW: Place in the truck to hang yer guns.

  • WINDOW: Also what ya roll down when Jim Bob cuts a big un in the truck.


Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer

  • 10. The monitor is up on blocks.

  • 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

  • 8. The four front keys have rotted out.

  • 7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.

  • 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

  • 5. The password is "bubba".

  • 4. There's a gun rack mounted on the side of the monitor.

  • 3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

  • 2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.

  • AND the number one way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is......

  • 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".




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