The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...

McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card

Aircraft--Space Systems--Missiles

Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase. Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires. 

1. __Mr.                  First name:            
   __Mrs.                 Initial:            
   __Ms.                  Last name:            
   __Miss                 Password:            
   __Lt.                  Code name:            
   __Gen.                 Latitude: Longitude:            
   __Comrade              Altitude:            
   __Classified 
   __Other 

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

   __F-14 Tomcat 
   __F-15 Eagle 
   __F-16 Falcon 
   __F-117A Stealth 
   __Classified

3. Date of purchase:            

4. Serial number:            

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

   __Received as gift/aid package
   __Catalog showroom
   __Sleazy arms broker
   __Mail order
   __Discount store
   __Government surplus
   __Gun show
   __Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
   product you have just purchased:

   __Heard loud noise, looked up
   __Store display
   __Espionage
   __Recommended by friend/relative/ally
   __Political lobbying by manufacturer
   __Newspaper/magazine ad
   __Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced
   your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

   __Style/appearance
   __Kickback/bribe
   __Recommended by salesperson
   __Speed/maneuverability
   __Comfort/convenience
   __McDonnell Douglas reputation
   __Advanced weapons systems
   __Price/value
   __Back-room politics
   __Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

   __North America
   __Central/South America
   __Aircraft carrier
   __Europe
   __Middle East
   __Africa
   __Asia/Far East
   __Misc. Third World countries
   __Classified

 9. Please check the products that you currently own or
    intend to purchase in the near future:

    Product                   Own       Intend to Purchase
    Color TV                                     
    VCR                                          
    ICBM                                         
    Killer satellite                             
    CD player                                    
    Air-to-air missiles                          
    Space shuttle                                
    Home computer                                
    Nuclear weapon                               

 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
     Check all that apply:

   __Communist/Socialist
   __Terrorist
   __Crazed
   __Neutral
   __Democratic
   __Dictatorship
   __Corrupt
   __Primitive/tribal

 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

   __Cash
   __Suitcases of cocaine
   __Oil revenues
   __Deficit spending
   __Personal check
   __Credit card
   __Ransom money
   __Traveler's check

 12. Occupation
                                         You       Your Spouse

     Homemaker                                            
     Sales/marketing                                      
     Revolutionary                                        
     Clerical                                             
     Mercenary                                            
     Tyrant                                               
     Middle management                                    
     Eccentric billionaire                                
     Defense minister/general                             
     Retired                                              
     Student                                              

 13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please
     indicate the interests and activities in which you and your
     spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

     Activity/Interest                   You       Your Spouse
     Golf                                                 
     Boating/sailing                                      
     Sabotage                                             
     Running/jogging                                      
     Propaganda/disinformation                            
     Destabilization/overthrow                            
     Default on loans                                     
     Gardening                                            
     Crafts                                               
     Black market/smuggling                               
     Collectibles/collections                             
     Watching sports on TV                                
     Wines                                                
     Interrogation/torture                                
     Household pets                                       
     Crushing rebellions                                  
     Espionage/reconnaissance                             
     Fashion clothing                                     
     Border disputes                                      
     Mutually assured destruction

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: 

 
                       McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
                       Marketing Department
                       Military Aerospace Division
                       P.O. Box 800