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Level five hurricanes have the right of way.
The antenna you need the most goes down first. 
Remember. The calm in the eye surely brings the rest of the storm.
Disasters invariably happen on two occasions: 
a.) When you're ready for them.
b.) When you're not ready for them.
If you're short of everything but high wind and water, you're IN the disaster.
The antenna built to carry a heavy ice load is felled by a tree.
If everything seems to be going well, you've forgotten something.
If at first you don't get gain, delegate.
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The complexity of an antenna instructions manual is inversely proportional to the IQ of the operator.
The antenna you need the most in your shack will be the one in short supply.
When reviewing the instructions manual, the most important pages are away.
There is always a more expensive antenna, and it usually doesn't load up.
The authorities never monitors your radio traffic until you transmit on an unassigned frequency.
The severity of a tornado is proportional to the distance of your antenna field.
If only one solution can be found for an antenna problem, then it's most likely a stupid solution.
Duct tape is the fix for most antenna problems in the field when:
a.)you don't have tape.
b.)you don't find your tape.
Fail safe antennas aren't.
Any antenna labeled "portable" takes a three man crew to lift.
When in doubt, unkey your mike.
Try to act calm. The storm may pass.
Team antenna work is essential. It spreads the blame.
Never tune on frequency. It has a tendency to irritate absolutely everyone.
If you get into trouble that's hard to get into quickly, you can bet that you can't get out of it quickly either.
Never forget that your antenna is made by folks just like you...in Japan.
The most dangerous thing in the world is an antenna.
Whenever you need help, no one is listening. Whenever you are QRU, you have the biggest signal on the net.
The more a antenna costs, the harder it is to trouble shoot and repair.
No matter which antenna you test, your noise level seems to go up.
Those who hesitate in checking in usually won't make any contact.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If antenna seems to be doing well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Antenna always sides with the hidden flaw.
This antenna is a witch.
It is impossible to make antennas foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Whenever you set out to do antennawork, something else must be done first.
The Light at the end of the tunnel is only the light of an oncoming antenna's train's problems.
All the good antennas are taken.
If the antenna isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1).
The nicer antenna is, the farther away from you.
Gain x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
The amount of love an antenna feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love it.
Money can't buy propagation, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Antenna Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute it's gone.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong antenna solution with confidence.
Whenever an antenna system becomes completely defined, some dumb fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Antenna technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
If builders built antennas the way programmers wrote programs, then the first breeze that came along would destroy the antenna field.
The size of the antenna varies inversely with how strong is the fundamental.
An antenna expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him, don't touch this antenna and he'll touch to be sure.
All great antenna's discoveries are made by mistake.
Always draw your gain's curves, then plot your reading.
None antenna ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
All's well that ends.
The first myth of antenna is that it exists.
A antenna failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
New antenna system generate new problems.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
We don't know one millionth of one percent about antenna.
Any given antenna, when running, is obsolete.
Any sufficiently advanced antenna technology is indistinguishable from magic.
A computerized antenna program makes as many mistakes in two seconds, as 20 men working 20 years make.
Some people compute antenna by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
The primary function of the antenna designer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the Ham.
To spot the antenna expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
After all is said and done about antennawork, a heck of a lot more is said than done.
Any antenna design must contain at least:
a.) one part which is obsolete,
b.) two parts which are unobtainable
c.) three parts which are still under development.
A complex antenna-system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the manual page number.
Antennas are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Any antenna-system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
If you can't understand antenna, it is intuitively obvious.
In designing any type of antenna, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
The only perfect antenna is hind-sight.
Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
If your antenna isn't in the computer, it doesn't exist.
If an antenna-experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Every antenna that goes up must come down.
Any antenna-instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
Any simple antenna's theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
Build an antenna that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
When working toward the solution of an antenna problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
A manual instruction is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
Antenna Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Anybody can win a contest with any antenna. Unless there happens to be a second entry.
Almost anything is easier to get down than get up.
Good practice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
The best simple-minded test of experience in an antenna area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.
I have yet to see any antenna's problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.
When working on a antenna project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
Don't force the antenna, get a larger hammer.
The one piece of the antenna that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports that is absolutely needed.
Corollary:
a.)Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time they
haven't even made it.
b.)Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are waiting for the truck.
c.)After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
In any antenna's tructure, pick out the one piece that should not be mismarked and expect the plant to cross you up.
In any group of antenna pieces with the same erection mark on it, one should not have that mark on it.
It will not be discovered until you try to put it where the mark says it's supposed to go.
Never argue with the antenna's manufacturer about an error. The inspection prints are all checked off, even to the holes that aren't there.
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
If it turns, fix it; if it doesn't turns, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
Like other occult techniques of divination, the methods of moments has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.
The product of an antenna computation is the answer to an equation; it is not the solution to a problem.
It's always the wrong time of the month to work on antenna.
The first 90% of an antenna project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
If you can't get your antenna-work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
After any antenna high raise, you will have less gain than you had before.
Never ask two questions in an E-mail about antenna. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Mother propagation said there would be bad days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Every antenna can be filed under "poor gain".
To err is human, to replace is not antenna company policy.
In case of an atomic bomb attack, antennas work rules will be temporarily suspended.
Any antenna can do any amount of contacts provided it isn't these it is supposed to be doing.
There is never enough time to put an antenna right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious an antenna name, the smaller the gain.
Hams are always available for antenna-work help, in the past tense.
People don't make the same antenna mistake twice, they make it three, four, or five times.
Getting the antenna in the air is no excuse for not following the rules.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
When confronted by a difficult antenna problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would superman handle this?".
No matter how much gain you got, you never get enough.
Antennas that have fails will work perfectly when the crane arrives.
Once a antenna is high in the sky, anything done to improve it will only ruin about anything.
Antenna gain is a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
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